1. Firewater Joyride

I am repulsed by the lack of dedication
That you insert into this relationship
Could it be that your head is elsewhere
Could it be that you don't care
All I know is that I am repulsed by the effortless
Teeth missing
But death seems so attractive this time around
Excitement grows inside of me
Maybe now is my time
I have decided that the decisions
You have made in this friendship do not exist
Should I be happy or sad
Should we all fall down in prayer
Now is when my decision needs to prevail
My heart
Miles of intestines
A snow-white bone structure all has vanished while I was comatose

2. Detest

I have to choose what I detest
Either dreaming, which my mind hates
Or action, which my awareness loathes
I am confused
I sit alone in silence
To focus more on the way that I am living
I am losing you
And this place isn't comfortable
I retaliate by not speaking
So I guess I will lose
Detesting both, I choose neither
But since I must on occasion
Either dream or act
I mix the two things together
Detest

3. The Wanderer

First in line to cash in on what I created
Last in line to beat the dead horse
I try and try but who cares at the end of the day
I figure that you only wanted to make me feel this way
So that you can feel better about yourself
I will dance across the floor
I'm pointing fingers
And laughing
Because you can't
Destroy me
Second best
I had nothing more to give
Is it safe to say that none of this mattered anyway
Now I've become the wanderer
Forced to become a man who is
Searching for something real to feel
Now I've become the wanderer

4. Worship

I am not the same anymore
A sadness reveals a mind shaken
The pieces of a core that's broken
By an intense
Inner suffering
And I want nothing
How clear must I be
What you have
What you are
I want nothing from you
I will use my throat to insult you
I will use my hands to rip you apart
I will use my eyes to watch your face
During this process
Someone will hurt
Should we decide to talk about morals
Should we decide to talk about the truth
Then let us step backwards and expose ourselves
Such a waste of time
Yet it is unavoidable
For you
My downfall is needed
For me
A decision is wanted

5. All Teeth

I think it would be amusing to sit here and write up a list
Just a list that describes the way I want to destroy myself
Not a simple suicide but a drawn out process of pain
This was all created in my head and can't I stop thinking it
I am taunted by the ignorance between us
I am taunted by the wraith I feel with in us
Solitude devastates me
Company oppresses me
People derail my thoughts
I feel sick again
So imagine what you would find on this list that I have created
A few hundred ways of self-mutilating pain caused by injustice

6. Meth Mouth

These problems exist inside my mind like a heavy New Orleans fog
My thinking has slowed itself down to a crawl unwillingly
Compassion fueled
By depression
My savior is death
Does this make sense
My love is silenced
By ignorance
My answer is death
Does this make sense
The wind has picked up since last night and it carries with grief
Our worried nature drowns us in a frigid ocean of regret
My breathing stands still just long enough to feel inept
Me
On the receiving end of honest hostility
And you
On the giving end of the candid frustration

7. Masks

You know
Suicide and life
Are peachy conversations
Based around
This fantasy that will never evolve
Can't say I welcome it
In to my life
Those tasteless kisses
You pushed upon my cheek
Me ruining
All hope of that new crush
Now is exposed
It makes the children ill
How about we taunt them with a flick
A wave like motion
With the finger of
Pointing capability
I wish for a state of
Isolation
And a sense of
Nothingness
It could be empty or
Plain and boring
But just enough to
Keep me from straying
This finger churns women into butter on a hot summer day
I doubt they will connect the two of us anyway

8. Pigeonholed

My lips rest against your forehead
Your eyes close – My eyes close
Our breathing falls into a rhythm
Our hands embrace each other
While my arms pull us in tighter
Your arms are pushing me away
I am fucked
I have nothing because of you
I've given it all to you
The bastards
That breed the bastards
That raise the bastards
That neglect the bastards
Even when I tried to become something
I was let down – you let me down
Whether it was gently or not
You affected me to a certain degree
Why do I beg for acceptance in wolves
Why do I look for answers in fools
I guess they will have to do

9. Others Die

We are dead
The dead are born
They don't die
The worlds are switched around in our eyes
We are dead
When we think that we are living
How about we show them the real
The fucked up ideals neglected through time
I do not live to learn anymore
I make mistakes to create reactions
I live for that, so what
Seeing you get off on my errors
The nails being the works – so essential and straight to the point
The frame being you – too weak and unsound to stand-alone
We are dead
And that is the honest truth
How about we give them the real
The fucked up ideals ruined through time
We have no reason to continue
Rather funny when you think it through
When you really break it down
Reactions
Reaction

10. Silence

Only when I speak to myself
Is when the real
Substantial conversations
Flow together
Words travel gently off my tongue
I leave myself speechless
Thoughts die horribly in my mind
I retreat to nowhere
To understand, I destroy myself
These scars are here to stay
Understand the rules
Understand
You could have taught me a lesson
In believing these lies
You would have tortured me longer
Just to watch me die
Silence is a friendly
Handshake from an old friend
Someone I confide in
When I need a hand
Silence
Doesn't exist like it used too
Silence

11. Ill Will

You are worthless and especially ignorant to human life
Words – gestures
Everything I feel towards your existence
Coexists with the hatred I have for mankind
Common consideration cannot coincide with you and me
You talk to offend
And you laugh to belittle
It seems like
You have grown into
Such a beautiful asshole
Life, a headache
That is keeping me from
Belonging to society
What does it matter
You came at me, not to me
It's my choice
It's my decision to crave this feeling now
It has been beaten down on me for years
Reality is not pretty at all
A glimmer of sunshine can still exist
Even when your grey clouds are moving in
Disappointment
Is a part of my life
It is the honest
And nasty way
Of being let down